Are you sure she's mine??

Originally posted on August 17, 2005.

I am taking you all the way back to December 31, 1995. This was the date that my first daughter was due to be born. I had gone for a doctor's appointment that day and my doctor thought that I was measuring a little bit big, so he went ahead and ordered an ultrasound just to check on things. I went in and had my scan, and then sat in my doctor's office while he looked the images over...saying hummm....and ahhh at annoying intervals.

He thought she looked to be about 8.5 pounds. We want to see you next week, and if she isn't born by then, we will discuss an induction. OK...red flags were waving all over the place. I don't know about you, but I think 8 1/2 pounds of ANYTHING is totally more than enough to have to squeeze out of one's twat! I voiced my concerns...and he said he could be off by a whole pound. (EITHER WAY, as it turns out...) And besides...he had NO plans of staying late on New Year's Eve to deliver me.

So...I go home and continue to gestate for another week. I go in for my scheduled appointment with strong hopes that he would just have me admitted to the hospital. I felt like a friggin' elephant! I was also fairly certain that the baby inside of me was MORE than finished cooking. He checks things out...and then says he wants to strip my membranes. OK...for any of you out there that are currently expecting, or plan to procreate...EVER!...remember what I am telling you now. You do NOT want your doctor (or anybody, for that matter) to EVER *strip your membranes*!!! OK...just a quick anatomy lesson...the baby is in the amniotic sac...floating in a bunch of amniotic fluid. This sac is located in the woman's uterus. The cervix it the baby's exit from said uterus. The amniotic sac is pressed against said cervix...and when your doctor says he wants to strip them...be basically has to stick half his friggin' ARM in there and he then runs his finger around the rim of one's cervix breaking the seal in between it and the amniotic sac. I will just leave you with this...it hurts. REALLY, REALLY bad.

OK...he says that should get things going. I leave, feeling more skeptical than ever. It was now January 7th. I called the next day in tears. NOTHING was happening. No contractions, not even a TWINGE. I BEG to be induced. I am admitted to the hospital on the evening of the 9th. They apply a capsule filled with synthetic prostaglandin into my cervix. (I would later learn that semen contains the real thing...so I could have just stayed home and skipped that part, heh!) OK...so I mostly stay awake all night paying really close attention to my uterus. That guy I Married sleeps in the recliner beside my bed. Nothing too significant happens during the night, so at 7am on the 10th, an IV is started and I am given pitocin to cause my uterus to contract. The contractions were very bearable throughout most of the day. I was feeling VERY empowered back in those days, and wanted a drug free, all natural delivery. I slowly dilate. (and when I say slowly...I mean VERY slowly) My doctor repeatedly tells me that he thinks that the baby's head is too large to pass through my pelvis. (Well...DUH!!) And I repeatedly tell him that I WILL have this baby the way I had always planned to. (I would later eat those words...)

So...at about 3am on the 11th, I am moved to a birthing room. I am finally feeling hopeful. We are all sleep deprived, and I was getting really cranky because they would no let me eat anything. So...sometime shortly thereafter, transitional labor begins. For those of you who do not know what this means...it is when the cervix dilates those last few centimeters to 10. The contractions come hard and fast with not much of a break in between them. It is both physically and emotionally exhausting. Once I am fully dilated, I get the strong urge to push. The bad thing about this is that the only two people in the room with me are my Mom and That Guy I Married...and they both happened to be sleeping at the time. My mom woke up to the tell tale sound of my straining to pass a watermelon through my yoni...and she screamed for me to stop...thus scaring the crap out of That Guy I Married. FINALLY, I was getting a little bit of support...or at the very least, some attention! heh

My mom goes to get a nurse to come and check things out...and they get the room set up for the birth. I feel so relieved that this is finally about to end...or *is* it?!? I push for more than 6 hours. I think that towards the end, even *I* was getting bored with the whole thing. The pain was becoming unbearable and I was becoming quite irrational. I BEGGED for an epidural...or Demerol...or a mallet. ANYTHING to put me out of my misery. That is when it was finally decided that I was a childbirth flunkie. I was totally incapable of pushing my baby into this world...I had failed. I was quickly prepped for a c-section...and at 1:18pm on the 11th, Rowan Emmalie was surgically extracted from my womb.

The first words I remember hearing were from my doctor...he said "I think she is my record largest baby!" (GREAT, I thought to myself! I had tons of newborn clothing that would never get to be worn!) The anesthesiologist replied "Is that baby holding a cheeseburger?!?!?" (This I took in stride, as he was the sole person keeping me in relatively good spirits whilst I lie awake in the operating table having a giant baby wrenched from my pelvis!) Then That Guy I Married had a good look at her. She was relatively dark complected and had a head full of thick, dark hair...in stark contrast to his blonde hair and blue eyes...and he looked at me and uttered the words no woman who has just gone through 2 1/2 days of labor wants to hear...

"Are you sure she's mine??"

Comments

[Solvi]

Tee hee hee...... A cheeseburger! Wasn't she at, or over 10 lbs? Hell, I thought 19 1/2 hrs was bad...... You go girl! But, isn't she soooo well worth it? Yeah.....they can debate all the time....Mine said, "I saw her come from you...proove I put her in there!"......I seriously believe they don't think.....ever. Love ya!

[Angela]

I so would have killed him. :)