I know...I know...I have beenawaygolonglongtime. Thanks to my Faithful Reader for letting me know I was missed. I guess I just feel like no one really wants to sift through my mental muck. My insanity used to be funny. Now? It's just sad.
As usual, a lot of weirdness has been swirling around inside my head. I have pulled away from most of my online life (and real life, too...) lately. It is just too hard for me to be around people who are genuinely happy.
Don't get me wrong...I love being a mother. That is the one shining light in my darkness. I love my kids with my whole self and basically devote as much of my time as possible to them and their activities. This serves a dual purpose. It's (hopefully) enriching their lives and creating memories for them that they can look fondly back upon when they are my age but it also allows me to escape my own reality.
There is so, so much I want to say but I don't know how much is appropriate, you know?
Let me start with this and see where it goes.
I miss looking at TGIM with stars in my eyes. I miss being able to love him...I miss being loved.
I can't tell you at exactly what point the light went out, but I do know that I have been living in darkness for a long time.
He is going on a business trip to Finland on Wednesday. Every time he goes out of town an old wound is re-opened and all of the crud from within bubbles up to the surface and oozes out of me. That is where I am right now. Festering and sore.
Aren't you glad I updated you? heh
Maybe someday I will get my groove back but right now...I am floundering.