I have made it no secret that being married has been no walk in the park for me...and in doing so I have done TGIM a HUGE injustice. I have spent so much time and energy focused on ME and MY hurts and MY issues that I never even really considered that I might have hurt him, too. Well guess what? I have been a selfish jerk.
He was trying to communicate his feelings to me in the same way I try to communicate my feelings to him...but since I am not conditioned to pick up on passive aggressive innuendo I have been walking around with my head up my own ass. It has come to a point where I have realized that *I* am going to have to change some of my behaviors or *I* am going to be left all alone. Why in the world would I expect him to want to stay with a person who acted like they didn't like him most of the time?
So anyway...I am taking a leap of faith here by actually following through with The Love Dare. I was given a copy of the book several months ago, read the first day and then put it up on my bookshelf. Apparently I wasn't ready then...but I think I'm ready now.
I had adopted the (not so) famous words of the Rites of Spring as my mantra..."I was the champion of forgive and forget...but I haven't found a way to forgive you, yet". Well...it is time for me to let go. It is time for me to truly forgive and let go of the things I have been holding over this marriage and try to move forward.
Wish me luck because I think this is going to be one of the hardest things I have ever tried to do.