Mukkefuck Cafe

I am sure I will later regret this post

Well, all two of my faithful readers have wondered what's been up with me...so I suppose I should update this thing.

First thing; spending all day every day with all four of my fighting, screaming, arguing, whining little cherubs is driving me batshit fucking mad. I love them. With my whole heart, I do...but I like them a lot better when I get a 6 or 7 hour break from them 5 days a week.

Second thing; I have been a bit apathetic towards That Guy I Married lately. This annoys me. I am not assigning blame...but I think that my apathy is the love child of his apathy. We are both traveling in the same direction but are taking different routes. I am sure we will meet up again later, but it makes for a lonely trip. He has traded his obsession with porn for a new one; podcasts and documentaries. At least I could compete with the porn. My breasts are definitely bigger than my brain.

Third thing; I am getting sick and fucking tired of the asshats who have taken to stealing gas from my American neighbours. This has been going on for more than a year. What started with rummaging through glove compartments in search of fuel coupons has recently morphed into attempting to siphon fuel right from our tanks and when that plan failed them, drilling holes into gas tanks. This makes me more angry than I can even say to you. I know that the Germans pay more for petrol than we do...but they typically earn more than their American counterparts. A menial job that would earn an American with little more than a high school diploma a mere $5.85/hour would earn a German €7.50 (or approximately $12.25)/hour. So my opinion on the matter is that they can buy their own damned gas. It is mean to steal.

Fourth thing; meh.

I guess that pretty well sums things up. I am still around; stalking my favourite blogs; not leaving comments; which seems to mostly be a reciprocal act.

See??? Some of the things in my head look much better on the inside than they do on the outside.

the Wee Fox

Just wanted to let my faithful readers know that your prayers and good thoughts were heard.The Wee Fox was born via emergency c-section at 12:45pm on 15 July. We knew he would be tiny (1lb 14oz; 12.6in.) but he is breathing room air with the assistance of a CPAP machine. This is pretty good news! She has a couple of pictures posted of him over at her place so feel free to stop by and wish her and her family well:)

an urgent request...

One of my Good Blogging Buddies needs the Internets to send up all the prayers, good thoughts, vibes, juju (or whatever it is you believe in) you can muster for her, right now. She is 30w2d pregnant with her sweet son. She is an infertile who has twin daughters. She managed to get pregnant this time by having good old fashioned sex (go figure!) Although she has only been pregnant with him for 30 weeks, she has been waiting a LONG, LONG time for her son. This pregnancy has been pretty rough for her and probably even more so for The Wee Fox. She is hoping for a healthy baby despite Oligohydramnios, IUGR and Preeclampsia. He is going to be small but I am praying that he will also be mighty.

red thread

"An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet,
regardless of time, place, or circumstance.
The thread may stretch or tangle,
but it will never break."
- an ancient Chinese belief

I have heard many references made to this invisible connection. Many adoptive parents use this ancient proverb to describe the connection they felt to their child, even before they had met. Lovers have used it to describe their connection to their soul mate. I am about to use it to describe another kind of connection.

Let me start from the beginning. That Guy I Married had enlisted in the military just a little more than a year before the terrorist attacks of 9-11. We were stationed in Hanau, Germany at the time. It was an ordinary afternoon. That Guy I Married had CQ duty the night before and was sleeping. I was Momma only to my two girls at that time. My first son was still squirming in my belly, due to arrive in early November. Rowan, (girl the first) had just come home from school. She and Abby (girl the second) were eating their afternoon snack and watching Rugrats on AFN. Just an ordinary day...until their cartoon was interrupted with by a newscaster reporting that a plane had "accidentally" crashed into one of the Twin Towers of the World Trade Center. I watched the news footage as the second tower was hit and knew that our world was getting ready to change in a big way.

I went into the bedroom, woke up my sleepy husband and told him the news. He was coming into the living room just as the reports about the Pentagon were coming in. My heart sank. My Dad works for the DoD and is has been known to, on occasion, be at the Pentagon. I shuffled my girls into their rooms to play. I called my mother to let her know what was happening, knowing that she likely did not. As soon as I hung up the phone, it rang. Brian was being called in to work. He provided communications support for an air defense unit. They were on alert and we had no idea if/when he would be back home.

He enlisted simply so he could continue his education. It was during a time of relative peace. We could not have predicted what was going to go down...

It is so hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that it has been almost seven years since that fateful day. It simultaneously seems like a lifetime ago and just yesterday. I have seen so many people who I know and care about deploy...and thankfully come back alive.

That Guy I Married has worked at Landstuhl Regional Medical Center for the past 3 1/2 years. I have seen our wounded warriors unloaded from buses so many times. Too many times. I see them in the halls of the hospital. You can tell which ones have children waiting for them to come home. They smile behind wistfully sad eyes when they see a parent holding their child's sticky hand. Their outward injuries are often very evident...but they don't even begin to show what's going on underneath. I always smile and say hello...fighting the urge to hug them and tell them thank you and filled with the desire to serve those who so selflessly serve us; an invisible read thread entangled between us all.

I got an e-mail from a good friend of mine this weekend. Her cousin, a Marine serving in Iraq, had been wounded and was being medevac'd to Landstuhl. Before she could even ask me to, I offered to pay him a visit...not for my own glory, but for his and for God's.

I called LRMC's information desk yesterday afternoon to confirm that he was there and where I could find him. I grabbed the care package I had prepared for him off my desk and started the short drive up the hill to the hospital, saying a little prayer as I drove. I have seen and talked to so many soldiers from downrange before and had never felt nervous...but this time, I did.

I parked the car and went inside, taking the elevator to the second floor. I walked down the long hall, scanning each overhead sign, looking for ward 14D. My heart raced as that invisible thread undulated and twisted ahead of me. I went to the nurse's station to find out which room I could find him in and she offered to walk me back. Words can not even begin to describe how it feels to walk through a surgical nursing care ward, full of wounded soldiers. It seemed like I could feel dozens of invisible fibers wrapping themselves around me, tightening around my chest until I could barely breathe. I feel tears start to well up in my eyes as she shows me to his room.

I somehow manage to compose myself before walking through the door. He was sitting in his bed working on a craft project that one of the many volunteer groups had brought by. He looked calm and comfortable which put me immensely at ease. I shook his hand and introduced myself. He smiled as we talked. I took a couple of pictures for his family before excusing myself. I might never see him again, but as I walked out of his room and down the hall there was no mistaking the invisible connection between us.

If you are so inclined, please pray for Johnny today as he is transferred to another hospital in the USofA. I know that it causes him a lot of pain to be shifted around and moved...so pray for his comfort and for a safe and uneventful flight and for peace for his family as they make the trip from their hometown to meet him there.

just...wow.

There is one topic that I have a lot of thoughts and feelings on that you will seldom see me discuss on this blog, and that is religion. People just get their undies twisted and just spout off everything that they have been spoon fed about their designated faith without hearing what the other side has to say. I refuse to play into that. People's feelings get hurt...not to mention the fact that it is just rude to condemn someone based on their spiritual beliefs just because they differ from yours. I have friends across the spectrum, from Wiccan to Mormon to Buddhist and no matter how my beliefs differ from theirs, I accept and love them without judgment and hope for the same from them.

I am sure you are wondering where I am taking you with this...just bear with me. I have been reading this blog for as long as I have been reading blogs. Her name is Tertia and she is South African. I don't think I know of any other woman who has gone through as much as she has to have the family that she so terribly desired...and I am just floored that one, fundamental, judgmental, ignorant woman has chosen to publicly condemn her for how she went about growing her family...in the name of Christianity.

I come from a very solid Christian background. My Dad graduated seminary and is an ordained priest. I am by no means a model Christian...but I don't take my faith lightly. That said...I refuse to batter and belittle people all for the sake of winning souls. I don't think Jesus led people to the Father by slandering them. He simply loved them. That is why I have such a hard time listening to so-called Christians cramming their propaganda down people's throats with nary a concern for the people they are hurting. Tertia went through hell to have Kate and Adam. She had to endure holding one of her children in her arms as he took his last breath. She doesn't deserve condemnation...she deserves compassion. Shame on those who have chosen to call her a murderer and a monster. What do you think Jesus would do??? 

Independence Day

I know it's a day early...but for us, today is Independence Day. That Guy I Married is officially retired from the US Army.

It seems like the Army has almost always been a part of my life. My Dad served in the Army when I was a kid and even when he got out he still worked for the government. Still does. In fact, he will be retiring from the DoD this fall or winter and moving to the mountains. Lots of big changes in the works for my whole family.

There are a lot of things about being a military family that are extremely difficult. The prospect of deploying and fighting in a war that you don't believe in. Having to part ways with people who you have grown to love every few years and starting all over again. Field problems. Long work hours. CQ. Staff Duty. On call. Mandatory "fun". The list goes on and on and on...and for those of you whose lives aren't directly impacted by these things, you won't have a clue as to what I am talking about.

There are also a lot of things that I love about being a military family. Meeting new people and seeing new places and having my kids endure the same. I think that our lives would be a lot less rich if we had just stayed in TGIM's hometown, or mine. Sure, we miss our families...but I think that we would not appreciate them as much if we had to see them every day. Also, for as much as I feel like I could happily live outside of the United States forever and ever, I am still a bit patriotic. I am glad to be an American...I am just not proud of every thing that being American stands for. Clear as mud???

I have certainly done my fair share of complaining over the years. Holiday and birthday celebrations have been ruined due to various duties and details. TGIM almost missed the birth of our last child and then deployed (albeit, only for a month) when he was just 7 days old. I can't even begin to guess how many times he has had to work late, leaving me to deal with dinner, bath and bedtime on my own. It seemed like I had almost daily gripes...but for the most part, they were all petty and trite.

Despite the hardships, I have really loved being an Army wife. I have enjoyed having the opportunity to serve those who so selflessly serve me. I have spent countless hours serving in Family Readiness Groups, doing whatever I could to help make things just a little bit better for our soldiers and for their families. It has been so fulfilling to me...and I am really going to miss that camaraderie.

We have been blessed to land a really good civilian job, here. TGIM will still be working at Landstuhl, in the same shop he has worked in for the past 3 1/2 years. I am sure that will help to smooth our transition. I guess I am just anxious to see how much the personal dynamics of our relationships here are going to change. Maybe not a lot. Maybe not even at all...but I suspect that getting promoted from an E4 to a GS10 is going to change a lot of things. Hopefully all for the best.

truth or dare

Despite the fact that I can't even come up with words to describe the SUCK that is you, my faithful reader...here's the truth about justdawn.

Originally posted November 17, 2005.

1) She was once known as 'spaghetti legs' Well, actually, I was most often referred to as "spider legs" and spaghetti arms...I was a bit gangly as a kid;)

2) She was once threatened with arrest for offering to mail dog poo to a member of the Los Angeles Police Dept. Well...yeah. It was during the LA Dead shows back in the Fall of '94, if memory serves me correctly. My dog squatted to take a poo right in the middle of the parking lot. I was trying to drag her off to the side so as to prevent a bigger mess from ensuing...and these fucking pigs started yelling at me to pick it up...etc...etc. I had every intention of picking it up and disposing of it properly, I truly did...but I could no do anything until she was FINISHED! I offered to pick it up and mail it to them...it was at that point the Denotsko dragged me away and asked me to kindly shut the fuck up;)

3) Friends were ordered to tell the story of her prom date's 'accident' to a judge under oath. ROFL...as interesting as that sounds...it is not true. I went to prom with one of my best friends, Luke. We actually only spent about 30 minutes at the prom before going back to the hotel room we had reserved with all of our friends to party:)

4) She eats three different kinds of fruit daily. False. I much prefer veggies to fruits...it is a texture thing. *gag*

5) She once owned a car with the words PARTY TIME written on the side. I am embarassed to admit that this in in fact, true. There was a little *incident* on my 16th birthday that left be believing that I would never actually be allowed to get my license, much less, own a car...so when my Dad showed up at my work one afternoon to pick me up in my very own 1984 Ford Escort with the hideous "Party Time" logo and accompanying graphics...I knew better than to complain. (nor did I complain when he drew up a sales contract that involved me paying him $500 more for the car than he did...)

6) Her father has been known to enjoy the sight of small dogs humping people's heads. heh...I love my Dad and his passive aggressive, sadistic tendencies:) Denotsko is the only person I have ever known to be molested by my Dad's dog...but who knows?!? There could be more;)

7) She has five tattoos. True...I have a phoenix on my right upper arm, a celtic band around my left arm, an HR Geiger inspired Allien on my right shoulder blade, a Celtic knotwork Jackal design on my left, and a skeletal lizard on my right calf.

8) She can spit ping-pong balls over ten feet in the air and catch them in her mouth. I don't really know if this is true OR false as I have never put it to the test. I will let you know at a later date;)

9) She likes to sing a song called 'Tits & Whiskey'. Mary Prankster...she ROCKS!!

10) Her left foot only has four toes. False...each of my feet have all 5 digits.

11) She had to call her parents less than a week after her wedding to ask for bail money for her new husband. I digress...this is the truth. He was picked up on an old warrant for restitution owed from a moment of total and udder stupidity.

12) A punkrock band named 'Suspicious Mole' wrote a song about seeing her beat up a gas station attendant with a squeegee. heh...false.

13) She once tried to poison someone by soaking bread in bleach, and making them a sandwich with it. OK...for the gazillionth time, it was an ACCIDENT!!! I had sprayed a bleach solution on the kitchen counter to clean it. (we lived in a really old and nasty house...and I was pregnant and trying to sterilize every hard surface I could...) Denotsko decides to make a sandwich...not noticing that the counters were completely fucking SATURATED when he placed his bread in them. It was soooo NOT my fault.

14) Her highschool yearbook photo features her holding a stuffed unicorn and wearing leather pants. False...I have never owned a stuffed unicorn...or leather pants.

15) She may have a warrant for her arrest in at least one state. This may have been true at one time, but I am sure that the statute of limitations has since expired.

16) She was once a volunteer fire fighter. This is true.

17) Her nude image can be found on at least one internet site. I am not saying that it is impossible...but it is highly unlikely.

18) She was part a group of hooligans that destroyed an entire floor of a hotel in a drug crazed party-gone-riot. Yeah...it was at the very Dead show during which Denotsko and I got together. I will say that the destruction of the top floor of this hotel and the circumstances that led me to that point are not among my most proud moments.

19) She is ambidextrous. False...although I can do anything but write with both hands.

20) She voted for Ross Perot. ummmm....no. I am not even sure I was old enough to vote when Ross Perot ran?!?

so, what gives???

I see the number on my stat counter climbing (albeit, slowly) and even know who most of you people are, who check my site on a semi-regular basis...so why is it that nobody has thought it worthy of their time to comment on my last post??? I have the answers at the ready, but it seems pretty anti-climatic to post them, now.

Also...That Guy I Married is officially an Army Retiree. WOO HOO!

waking up at the crack of Dawn

Originally posted November 15, 2005.

Well, well,well. Guess who gets to wear the dress today. It is I, denotsKO the wonder babe! I have been asked to post on Pockets of Resistance today so that I can offer to you a challenge. I have here 20 questions about justdawn, or as I like to call her, um....well...just Dawn. Where was I? What was my point? You, her humble readers of her rants and raves, get to attempt to answer as many of these questions with a true or false. The person who answers the most correctly wins a prize. What could I possibly have to offer as a reward for such an amazing feat? You get to be called a winner.

 

1) She was once known as 'spaghetti legs'

2) She was once threatened with arrest for offering to mail dog poo to a member of the Los Angeles Police Dept.

3) Friends were ordered to tell the story of her prom date's 'accident' to a judge under oath.

4) She eats three different kinds of fruit daily.

5) She once owned a car with the words PARTY TIME written on the side.

6) Her father has been known to enjoy the sight of small dogs humping people's heads.

7) She has five tattoos.

8) She can spit ping-pong balls over ten feet in the air and catch them in her mouth.

9) She likes to sing a song called 'Tits & Whiskey'.

10) Her left foot only has four toes.

11) She had to call her parents less than a week after her wedding to ask for bail money for her new husband.

12) A punkrock band named 'Suspicious Mole' wrote a song about seeing her beat up a gas station attendant with a squeegee.

13) She once tried to poison someone by soaking bread in bleach, and making them a sandwich with it. 14) Her highschool yearbook photo features her holding a stuffed unicorn and wearing leather pants. 15) She may have a warrant for her arrest in at least one state.

16) She was once a volunteer fire fighter.

17) Her nude image can be found on at least one internet site.

18) She was part a group of hooligans that destroyed an entire floor of a hotel in a drug crazed party-gone-riot.

19) She is ambidextrous.

20) She voted for Ross Perot.

 

"O Tiger-lily,"

    

said Alice, addressing herself to one that was waving gracefully about in the wind. "I wish you could talk!"

"We can talk," said the Tiger-lily: "when there's anybody worth talking to."  ~Lewis Carroll